WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?

Have you ever had a Bible story stick in your head?  No matter what, it seems the Spirit of God just keeps pressing it into your heart.  Obviously the Spirit is wanting to speak into your life about something, so it’s important to pay attention.  The Word says, “He who has an ear, let him listen to what the Spirit is saying.” (Mark 4:9)  I admit regardless if it’s writing on my blog or preaching the Word, the message is for the appointed time in my life.  Although my heart yearns to minister to those who read or listen, I can’t escape the power of the Word of God.  No matter how hard we may run, God’s Word can’t escape our heart, it’s planted by the Spirit.  Even if we have wandered from God, the Spirit and God’s love will always draw us near to the Word.

Recently I have been battling with the direction of my life, God’s calling upon my life, and maybe battling the midlife crisis.  As I started to reflect upon God’s calling, I felt as if I missed it.  Sadly, I started battling with serious questions, reflecting on every Scripture or prophesy, and giving the enemy opportunity to speak into my mind.  Never in life, I felt so lost and alone.  I felt as if I disappointed the Lord or I missed the call altogether, I felt hopeless.  On one hand the greatest joy of my life is ministering to others, writing, and preaching.  It’s my time to worship the Lord, it’s my gift back to Him.  Nevertheless, I felt how could I offer any spiritual guidance or be a leader if I felt so lost.  So, I withdrew.  Maybe it’s not the best solution but my heart is tired, broken, and I couldn't cry anymore about it.  Maybe you can relate to how I feel.  Yet, I can’t help but ask what is making you cry?  What is keeping the midnight oil burning in prayer?  Oh, I can testify I have cried myself to sleep several nights about God’s calling on my life. 

 Completely stuck with no guidance, no direction, or unwilling to destroy the covenant of God with my husband, I stand before a brick wall.  It’s just standing there, it’s powerful and unmoving.  Yet, how is a brick wall formed?  It is  formed with man’s hands laying a brick down, covering it with concrete, and laying another brick until it creates a wall.  In other words, it’s created by what we lay hold of.  What’s in our hands?  What’s in our hearts?  If we are truly children of the King, God’s Word is the most powerful weapon to demolish strongholds.  We are standing at a brick wall; it doesn’t move but it blocks the view.  Maybe why we stand in front of the brick wall is to see who is stronger!

 Well, the Bible story I am thinking of is Hannah, a woman who was crying out for a child.  She naturally can’t conceive a child; although it’s her heart’s only desire.  In her time and culture, a woman was disgraced if she didn’t have a male child.  It was her protection, security, and an honor to continue a family name.  Yet, Hannah wasn’t physical capable of conceiving a child, it was beyond her ability.  Scripture reveals the reason, the Lord closed her womb (I Samuel 1:5).  It wasn’t the lack of love or intimacy in her marriage, her husband adored her.  Elkanah offered a “double portion” for Hannah for their offering, he wanted God to bless her. 

 As I have been meditating on this Bible story I realized how desperate, broken, and determined Hannah was.  Sometimes God has to break our spirits to cause us to grow desperate for Him, so desperate for Him to intervene.  If we want the vision of God or the desire of our heart, we have to follow the heart of Hannah.  First, the vision of God is conceived in our brokenness.  He can’t plant the Word unless our hearts are open to Him.  Our desperation should drive us to our knees until God moves; Hannah didn’t stop coming to the temple to pray.  When she came to the house of the Lord, she wouldn’t eat but wept bitterly.  The Bible says “yearly” they came to worship the Lord and offer their sacrifices. 

"Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, and knock and the door will be open unto you" Matthew 7:7

Faithfulness shows our devotion to God even when we don’t understand our circumstances.  It doesn’t mean we are not broken or don’t cry, it’s turning to God completely.  Second, Hannah remained faithful to God without a child, however; the enemy taunted her.  When we decide to be faithful to God even when our heart’s broken, the enemy will whisper in our ear.  “You are too old for God’s promise to come to pass.”  “You will never receive your promise; I know what your past holds.”  “God has forgotten all about you, why don’t you walk away?”  Sadly, the enemy can use people close to us who can speak damage into your heart.  Recently I had someone who I looked up to speak into my life, he was being used only to echo what the enemy was already saying to me.  It hurt so deeply especially when I have waited for mentorship to be denied due to difficulty, my age, and being attractive.    

Third, Hannah didn’t stop praying to God, she wasn’t moving until He did.  Our prayers are not always instantly answered, sometimes God makes us wait.  During the waiting period the enemy will taught us with questions, fears, and tempt us to quit pursing God.  Don’t get weary!  God always answers our prayers; He isn’t deaf to our cry.  So, what are you crying for?  What is your heart’s desire?  God ALREADY knows it! 

God will grant the desires of our heart if we seek Him!  Hannah’s name means “favor” or “grace” according to the Hebrew Language.  Although at times we don’t feel “favored” in the eyes of God but we are.  Grace always leads us to the presence of God, it opens the door for God to reveal His Word to us.  God hasn’t forgotten His promise towards you but He is watching to see if you will remain faithful to Him.  Hannah didn’t commit adultery or stop serving God, she remained faithful to what was right in the eyes of God.  She remained faithful to her husband who loved her, it’s an interesting fact Scripture points out about their marriage. 

     God doesn’t want you to remain in a broken state, He will answer your prayer.  Hannah’s countenance changed the moment Eli said, “Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.” (I Samuel 1:17)  We have a faithful high priest who intercedes on our behalf!  May this lift your heart I pray, “GOD WILL GRANT YOUR PETITION!”  Keep worshipping Him!  Although the Lord closed Hannah’s womb, He is also the One who opened it.  Right now the brick wall is standing before your eyes, it’s not moving.  Either you can walk away or you can knock it down with a heart of worship.  It’s time to cry it out before the Lord, give it all to Him.  Once the crying is done, worship Him.  It’s what brings down the walls, a shout of worship to Lord!  God will bring forth His Word, it will make all of the sceptics speechless.  It will be such a powerful word; it will never fail because God fulfilled it.  Samuel was the most feared prophet before the children of Israel, he walked with God.  Samuel was so anointed; his word never fell to the ground.  Oh, let those brick walls crumble!  God’s not done with you!  He is just waiting to see if you will push through in faith!