WEEPING BETWEEN THE PORCH AND THE ALTAR

For the last several years, my heart has ached in pain.  A ruthless pain beyond description, unfamiliar, and it was paralyzing me.  Regardless of what I did, the pain wouldn't escape although I cried relentlessly.  My faith was present but it's resembled a smoldering wick in the wind, the enemy was waiting for it to blow out.  Trial upon trial hit my family for two years, it felt as if this season would never end.  Nevertheless, when a trial comes, God has my full undivided attention.  

All of my dreams, expectations, and the faith of my family hung in the balance.  Trauma affects the victim but don't be deceived into believing it doesn't affect the victim's family.  Angry, frustrated, torn upon my beliefs, convictions, and even broken-hearted over decisions of leadership.  Ashes were all I could feel, the soot smeared not only upon my hands but into my heart.  Darkness swirled around me due to the brokenness of my family but the ashes keep smearing on the floor with my tears.  No matter where I stood the wind blew me into a different direction or down again.  How could I minister to my family?  Others?  So, instead of being the outspoken prophet, I was found weeping between the porch and the altar.  

JOEL 2:17 says: “Let the priests, the ministers of the LORD, weep between the porch and the altar, and let them say, Spare thy people, O LORD, and give not thine heritage to reproach, that the heathen should rule over them: wherefore should they say among the people, Where is their God?”

As the darkness grew around me, I didn't want to hear from ministers or personally share what was happening in my life.  Truthfully, only a handful of trusted friends and my pastor knew but the battle was fierce.  Instead of the Job's friends at my feet; they were in my head.  As I carefully examined my heart during the two years of intense trials of my walk with Christ, I withdrew to solitude.  

Yet, I found comfort in this passage, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." 1 Kings 19:7  

Beloved, if the journey feels too much, you are not alone; it's not the first time a soldier has felt the heat.  Elijah is probably my favorite prophet in the Bible, he walked in the Holy Spirit before the outpouring.  He walked in the miraculous, was bold, and preached the truth before man.  Nevertheless, he was overwhelmed with fear, physically famished, and exhausted.  Elijah acted differently, he left his servant and went away to be alone.  Truthfully, Elijah had enough, he didn't want to deal with it anymore.  Oh, I can relate to the man!  Can you?  It's important when we feel overwhelmed, we are taking an evaluation of how we are eating and sleeping.  The angel of the Lord fed Elijah and allowed him to rest.  After resting, Elijah traveled for forty days and nights to Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into the cave and spent the night. (1 Kings 19:8-9)   

Elijah entered the cave WITHOUT God's instructions; he went on his own accord.  He didn't enter to pray with God or to find shelter from a storm.  He went inside to hide from the battle, he didn't want to fight anymore.  He felt alone.  According to Scripture in 1 Kings 19:10, He replied, "I have been zealous for the Lord God Almighty.  The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword.  I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

Elijah didn't like the results from his previous assignment; no one stood with him.  He was the only one standing for God and he was about to be snuffed out.  From the evidence of his people, Elijah didn't see a promising future.  No one was following God's covenant, coming to the altar for prayer, and silenced those who spoke the true Word of God.  

During the end of this trial, God brought 1 Kings 19:11-13 to my mind.  As I meditated on this passage, I hope what I learned will help you.  (Please read this passage)

1.  Elijah had to position himself to hear from God - He went to the mountain in the presence of the Lord.

2.  A great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, BUT the Lord was not in the wind.   Although the circumstance is tearing you apart and appear extremely powerful, it's not God's doing.  God is powerful but it's not His power we question during these times, it's what is He doing?  Why is this happening?  

3.  After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  Beloved, don't look at the wind or tremble at what is bringing you to your knees, it's not going to destroy you.  Our thoughts can toss us to and fro but we have to remain steadfast in WHO God is!  We can rest in His integrity; He is a God who doesn't lie!  Although it may be getting more intense; it will only push you to hear a gentle whisper.  Yet the wind, earthquake, and fire can try to prevent us from desiring to hear God's voice.

Only the gentle whisper of God's voice is going to move you to the opening of the cave!

Don't allow the circumstances to overwhelm you, be mesmerized by their power, and prevent your heart of what you need most - HIS GENTLE WHISPER.