SHIPWRECKED BY THE SHORE

"Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned.  Three times I was shipwrecked.  Once I spent a whole night and day a drift at sea."  2 Corinthians 11:25

The Apostle Paul experience severe persecution and hardships for his faith in Christ; although he once persecuted the church.  As a believer, I pray I am able to stand strong as the Apostle Paul when my faith has been tested.  Not only was Paul's conversion miraculous; the testimony of honoring Christ was truly shown in his life.  How do we know?  Well, Paul wrote a very good portion of the New Testament.  What an amazing and powerful work of the Holy Spirit!  Yet, may we never forget God's working in our lives; a powerful work to bring glory to God.

  

Nevertheless, I can't seem to get this metaphor out of my head spoken from a spiritual mentor in my life.  "Tina, your heart has been shattered."  "It's been shipwrecked by the shore."  "What are you going to do with it?"  "Are you just going to sit by the shoreline?"  "Or do you want to re-build the boat and begin again?"  Since graduating from college, it hasn't been smooth sailing.  Honestly, I didn't expect it to be, I wasn't naive about the call of God upon my life.  My precious Savior wasn't spared disappointment, ridicule, was spit upon, and crucified.  So, I expected persecution, people misunderstand the role of women in church, and my life being carefully watched.  Yet, I was willing to give my life; Christ called me to preach.  It has been my drive to honor Christ with my life; one day to lay a crown of worship at His feet.   

Matthew 10:24 says, "The student is not above the teacher, nor a servant above his master."  

I have never been beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked, or spent a night a drift at sea.  Yet, my heart has taken a severe beating, I am truly shocked of the wreckage.  I am overwhelmed with the aftermath of the damage of my heart; my faith is the weakest in my life.  Sadly, as leaders we are not allowed to show our hearts, our weakness, or our struggles with our faith.  It's difficult to keep offering Biblical Counsel or the Word to watch someone ignore your warnings or assistance.  Understand, it's Biblical to live a life of approach but I am afraid the spirit of "being perfect" has robbed our leaders.  It's robbed leaders of truly being truthful or to seek accountability, joy of serving Christ or others, and brought utter loneliness.  At this moment, the wreckage has left me completely speechless, I can't speak.  I can't move.  It's difficult to breath.  My heart is shattered in a million pieces about to drift out into the sea.  Who will gather it?  Who will help me pick-up the pieces?  

A vessel only has two fold purpose: to be poured out and re-filled.  It's truly the heart of a minister who longs to serve.  It's investing in the broken lives of people who need Jesus.  It's an investment of your time, money, and your complete heart.  Also, if your married and have children, it's important to nourish and protect those relationships.  Nevertheless, the call of God doesn't escape your families sacrifice.  Oh, it's a balancing act for sure; it was instilled very quickly while in Bible College.  Yet, what do you do when the vessel is broken?   I understood the cost-my personal cost.  Yet, what has broken my heart has been the damage to my family.  As a wife and mother, I have carefully and prayerfully watched where my family is spiritually.  It's more important than ministry; it's a calling from God as well.  With mounting past disappointments in ministry, a recent tragic event upon one of my children, another child who has backslid-den and the fire of God slowly leaving my husband's heart.  I am pausing to reflect, pray, and waiting on God to move within there hearts.  The waves have taken a beating; I am shattered on the shore.  Do I doubt God's promises or His Word?  Never!  Yet, I keep looking with my heart, "Lord, what did I do wrong?"  "Where did I miss your guidance or direction?  

Am I able to risk the salvation of my household?  Am I willing to allow the call of God to divide my marriage?  Oh, the tug of war within my heart!  To honor my husband or follow the call of the Beloved, the one I love most.  My beloved who I cherish above all and desire to please the most.  What about when I give an account for my life; it creates a deep fear within my heart to disappointed God.  Yet, this tug of war is leaving me joyless, frustrated, and completely tired.  At the moment, I can hold to what I know to be true.  Nothing gives me more joy than to serve the Lord, I love it.  To be a co-laborer with Christ at the altar, it's my favorite place to be.  Also, to share the Word with those who are hungry to hear it.  It's a personal call to follow Christ, where He leads I will follow.  Our walk of faith will never mirror someone else's; it will be different for each of us.  

Yet, the wreckage is leaving a question if I will re-build the boat or will I remain at the shore?  No one truly understands the strength, prayer, and belief it took to make it to shore.  Elijah went into the cave because of fear; God didn't call him there.  (I Kings 19:11-13)  Yet, I understand why he sought refuge there.  What brought the great prophet out?  It wasn't the earthquake, the mighty wind, or the fire.  Only the voice and presence of God drew him out to the entrance of the cave.  It was the soft, beautiful, and loving voice of God.  That's what I am waiting for, hunger for, and refuse to move until He speaks.  A smoldering wick He will not snuff out.......although I am close.  Yet, I must allow God to mend the pieces; a work I so desperately need.

Rescuing Dreams

As I boarded the plane to leave Alaska; I was so renewed in my heart and spirit.  Besides being with my best friends from college, I would never forget my encounter with God.  Without my family being present on this trip, I was on a mission to hear from God.  Through the encouragement of my husband, I had a complete week without having to chase three toddlers, my job, and household responsibilities.  I admit, I was concerned if my husband could handle all of this without me.  Yet, he knew I desperately need to hear from God. 
 

Before my best friends called, I was deeply hurt from a pastor who offered me a position.  Without confronting me or advising of his decision to look for another youth pastor, he announced to the church, “We are taking resumes.” It hurt very deep.  Questions, anger, and doubt overwhelmed me about the whole situation.  Did God call me into ministry?  Why did I move to Florida?  Did I hear God at all?  Or did I fail God?  It was a pivotal moment; I was questioning God’s call.  Besides questioning the call, I was wrestling with a broken heart.  Nothing would quench my soul except the presence of God; I need to be with Him.  As I wept in His presence, I couldn’t speak.  If I spoke, the words were few, far, and between.  Although my heart was at peace; my questions were not answered. 

Shortly after praying the phone rang, it was my best friend who was used to bring God’s truth to my life.  Besides being delighted to hear from my best friend, our conversation was about life, ministry, and my calling.  As he spoke into my life, God was confirming the truth of what I asked.  Yet as the hurt emerged within, I wouldn’t accept it.  After the phone call I wasn’t sure how to feel, so I talked to my husband.  My husband wasn’t only thrilled with idea; he was ready to pack his bags.  Still I wasn’t convinced about this opportunity.  A few weeks later, our best friends called to advise me I was flying to Alaska to discuss it.  So, I went to discuss future plans but I was very desperate to hear from God.  When we are desperate, willing to listen, and available to God, He will speak.  Not only did God speak to my broken heart, He healed my soul. 

 As I walked unto the plane, my countenance was completely changed.  I couldn’t wait to fly home to share what God did.  Nevertheless, God wasn’t done with me.  As I started to journal about my trip, God interrupted me with a vision.  Overjoyed with all of the plans, I wrote with eagerness and excitement.  If it wasn’t for the captain’s announcement, “We are now arriving in Tampa,” I wouldn’t believe I spent thirteen hours writing.  When I arrived home I was renewed, empowered, and focused for our future.

 After sharing this vision with my husband, we accepted God’s direction for our future.  However, I was starting to feel overwhelmed with this vision.  How could I do this?  Where do I begin?  Who was I?  After accepting the call; we instantly got thrown into the fire.  Satan decided to test our hearts severely with physical and financial issues.  It was the darkest period of my life but the vision kept my heart alive. 

As the embers of the vision burned, I was waiting for God’s timing.  Upon a Wednesday night service, the vision would capture my life again.  A wonderful missionary couple came to share their vision with us.  Besides sharing their vision, it awakened mine.  While the couple shared their heart for Alaska, I was taken back to the plane ride.  As he preached his message “Rescuing Dreams,” with us I couldn’t stop crying.  If God wanted to paint a bull’s eye upon my forehead, He did.  As the missionary shared his message, God brought unquestionable confirmation upon my heart. 

 

Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

So, if you are wondering if God’s vision is real?  His message brought some wonderful truth; I want to share with you.

1.        Every dream of God is bigger than you.

2.       You can let it go but it will not let go of you.

3.       Willing to sacrifice for it.

4.       Last forever (It involves people)

5.       It meets a need that nobody else is doing

When we receive God’s call; it’s not only a wonderful blessing it’s a daily sacrifice of our wills.  For God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)  If we feel uncertain about it; God will confirm it.  Like Samuel, God may have to repeat our name or the call until we recognize His voice.  Or we could feel as Moses, completely incapable of the task.  God’s call is a precious gift, it’s our personal assignment.  So, cherish it deeply but don’t be afraid to walk towards it.  Although we may feel unsure, God will direct our steps.  We just have to be ready, willing, and able to follow His voice. 

 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8